Chuck Norris Jokes

Ok I decided to make a thread where every time you post, you post a new chuck norris joke. The rules are simple, just don’t post the same Norris joke someone else has posted.

I’ll start us off with:

“Chuck Norris doesn’t consider it sex if the woman lives.”

who the hell is chuck norris

He’s an actor who’s famous for his roundhouse kick. He’s kinda gotten a cult following.

never heard of him and still don’t like him

hehe, nice one, although i don’t know any jokes bout him…

What’s the only thing that can kill Chuck Norris?

10 million Chuck Norris’s.

Pretty rubbish, I know.

google it?

<EDIT> here’s another.

Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep, he waits.

This is against the rules… LETS DO IT IN THE 1 Million posts thread!


Chuck Norris doesn’t read books, he stares at them until they give him the information he wants.

when chuck norris falls off a boat, he doesnt get wet…water gets chuck norris

Chuck Norris once insemenated a woman through 6 condoms, a birth control pill, the 1967 Browns Defensive line, and a brick wall.

Chuck Norris doesn’t teabag, he potato sacks.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one ever dared question his motives.

rofl, that’s a goog one.

Chuck Norris wasn’t born, he was put on earth.

I think that one’s a good one, too.

Nobody but Chuck Norris has stopped a Benny Hill chase to date.

lol,I find this one funny:

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther’s womb.

Chuck Norris once ate 3 72-ounce cheesesteaks in 1 hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.

Chuck Norris has sex with men. Not because he is gay, he just ran out of women.

Chuck Norris invented the spoon because a knife was just to easy to kill with.

Chuck Norris was the first man on mars. Thats why there is no life there.

Chuck Norris uses Tabasco sause for eye drops.


Chuck Norris was working out in the gym with one of his daughter-in-laws. In an attempt to impress Norris, she started to train really hard. When she asked Chuck if he was impressed, he replied with ‘Weights don’t hit back’ and broke her neck with a roundhouse.

If you haven’t… watch his movies.

sickmate 8)

lol, those are good ones.

Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, “I’ll give you something to cry about,” and roundhouse kicks them in the face.

  1. Chuck Norris counted to infinite twice.
  2. Chuck Norris tears can cure Cancer. Too bad chuck norris doesn’t cry
  3. Chuck norris doesn’t sleep. he waits
  4. Everytime chuck norris birthday’s passes, He picks one random child and throws him in the sun lol.
  5. Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting. Hunting Implies the Possiblity of failure. Chuck Norris goes Killing
    lol There very good.

In the beginning, there was nothing. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the nothing in the face and told it to get a job. Thus was the universe created.
:spin: Kingofallpie

when chuck norris does push ups, he pushes the world down