Quick Write (3)

“WARNING: Every review will be honesty harsh”

Hey Fellow Runescape Fans, In this thread is a “writing contest” and the new “poem contest”. Anyone can join in and do this as long as the follow the rules.

Rules for story paragragh: You must write a short paragraph started from the following sentence (at bottom) that can be voted by the Judges to win the title of a quick thinking writer and claim the prize. It must be at least seven sentences(a full paragraph!)

Rules for Poem: Though it’s not worth as much as the story paragraph, it’s still fun to do. You must write a poem that has to do with the “Poem Topic”. It has to be at least five lines and will be rated on effort, meaning, and how close you stay on topic…and rhyming is a plus as well. Note: You can spend alot of time on this so be creative.

Paragraph Sentence(Must be in first person point of view): Banished, they banished me to a life of utter despair and suffering.

Poem Topic: Blue Fire

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Good luck, I’ll write a sample here below about a paragraph then a poem…

[i]Banished, they banished me to a life of utter despair and suffering. A life of pain and madness, where dreams are myth and the only way out is suicide. I sit here now, in the corner of all my hopes. They seem odd and strange, I fail to recongize them like I did before. I was empty, the bitterness of them gave me no reason of worth or value, they made me cold and mean. Like the very soul of me was tamed evil by their slimy hands. Banished I was, Banished away from them into a world unknown.

Behold the sight of the blue flame,
the greastest of them all.
The power of fire goes untamed,
blue and mightly as I recall.
The flame never goes out like the fire’s plain
It said to be burning still, breathing insane[/i]

…Okay something like that. don’t vote mine though, It’s only an example. I’ll try to comment on everyones stories. Good Luck

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Prize for Story:
1st Place: 30k

Prize for Poem:
1st Place: 15k

Total votes on paragraphs…

Keyser520 _____________ 8.3
AmishDJ _____________ 8.3
jian lee _____________ 7.8
nicko265_____________ 8.0
Fallon009 _____________8.0
ExtremeXpkX_____________8.9

Total votes on poems…

Keyser520 _____________ 8.5
Winterlord _____________ 8.3
grp-ranger _____________ 7.5
AmishDJ _____________ 7.6
Fallon009 _____________ 8.1

All other judge votes will be added once each judge has rated all entries, so as to avoid confusion in scoring

Other news: [b] The winner of the paragraph version of the contest is ExtremeXpkX with the outstanding submit full of action (Who’d think of such a twist)

The winner of the Poetry version of the contest is clearly Keyser520 because of his wonderful choice of words[/b]

Thank you all who have entered the contest, and I hope to see you again at Quick Write Four (4) and even my new Short story contest (If you’re interested then PM and I’ll give you the link when ever I get it up and running)

Thank you all, and may your minds stay sharp

am i aloud to post as i am a judge??? and can the poem be acrostic???

Well you can’t judge yourself, now can you? You can, if you’re interested, write an example of one if you think mine is lacking some definition of what really the first sentence and poem topic could become. By acrostic you mean…?

h-hi!
e-eh’
l-lo’
l-(lol)
o-omg yo!

(that isn’t my poem though…

Banished || Total write time: 19 minutes

Banished, they banished me to a life of utter despair and suffering—living with the fact that I’m the one that could have stopped the destruction of humanity. I still can’t believe it happened. I can barely even say the word. Banished. I know the truth. I know what happened. But my mind won’t let me believe it. How could I have missed the signs? How did I not see the betrayal coming? I know the answer, though, don’t I? I know that I was too trusting, too understanding, too caring, too giving, too loving—and they used that against me. They knew me, and they created a cause designed to draw me in, to fuel my passions, to let me play into their hands and give them what they wanted. And now, I’m banished.

The Collecterate has control of everything now, and it’s all because of me. I’ve doomed humanity by believing in the one thing that I thought would save us from the machines, not realizing that I was working for them. How could I have been so stupid? How? Why? All my work and my goals and my caring for nothing! All of it has led us directly into the slavery that we thought to avoid.

I figured out what was happening, but too late. I was the one man with the power to change it; the one man with the knowledge to undo what I’ve allowed to happen, but I can’t do that now. I discovered what was going on, and they found out; they arranged to have me framed—an elaborate construct that points to me as a man who would send humanity into slavery, making my fellow humans think they gained freedom by banishing me, when I’m the only hope we have left!

Banished! I’m useless now. There is nothing that I can do. I can’t do anything from this wasteland, and I can’t get back into the city now that they’ve sealed off all the gates and search everyone that passes. The only passage in and out of the city are the maintenance routes, accessible only by the robots, and I’m not one of them.

There’s just no hope. No hope unless—yes…that’s it! It’s a long shot, highly probable that I’ll die trying, but that’s better than watching humankind destroyed while I waste away in this desert. I’ll kill a machine and rebuild it around me, become one of them, enter through the sewer lines, get inside the city, and then—what? I don’t know how to do it or what to do, but I’ll figure it on the way. I have to.

Blue fire || Total write time: 10 minutes

Red fire burns with passions unseen.
Jealousy burns a fire that’s green.
Orange flames are playful, vibrant, and warm.
Black fire forms a seductive sweet storm.
White fire’s core is a clean purity.
But blue burns brightest—its own dignity.

Blue fire blazes with truth and with power,
Its flame is reliable—a strong standing tower.
A sense of belonging, so peaceful and true
My life’s color shall always be blue.

Author’s note: For ages, colors have been associated with emotions, to the point where people believe that certain colors foster certain emotional responses. Read about that here and here.

Come on kids!! Submit your entries!

Judged, Total review time: 9 minutes

Okay, another interesting quick write by Keyser and his first poem entry in my contest. For those of you who do not know he won the last contest. Does anyone want to succeed him? Will you let him win without a challenge?

Paragraph: I was hoping though that you would twist my starter sentence a bit like you did in the last contest, nevertheless, what you wrote is just as good too. Creative, Direct, Exciting, 8.3

Poem: I love poems, and I like poems more when they have a sense meaning and gracefull rhyme. I’m not a good poem write, though I wish I had some talent. One of my greatest admirers would have to be all of J.R.R. Tolkiens songs, ballads, and poems.(That may be a bit off the subject). You have great talent, no doubt about that. Creative, ryhmes, meaningfull, stays on topic, and interesting, 8.5

Come on people! Bring it! :wink:

Thanks for the happy reviews TQ, but WHAT does it take to get a 10 from you, lol.

Something that’s unbelievable, unexpected, full of excitement, gets stuck in your head, you want to read it a thousand times, you show it to everyone, and… well you get the point.

Where are the other entries??

The blue fire burns with the soul
It lights up the spirit
Opening up your thoughts, and letting others know
Exactly how you feel, with the passion of the fire
Telling a message that I’m not to blame
I’m different and no ordinary flame…

^There. I may also write a paragraph. I need to get something started though…

:bored:Winterlord

I just read your invitation PM for this contest. I’ll post something up tomorrow.

EDIT: Oh and about the first person point of view, can at the beggining I not write in first person because I got something planned. It’ll just be like a few sentences or so that won’t be in first person, the rest of the story will be in first person.

Ill write somthin later. I’ll have to see how it’ll fit in my schedule though.

Banished, they banished me to a life of utter despair and suffering. These were my thoughts as a sat in the rear of the transport vehicle. My head rested on my knees and a tear ran down my cheek. One day ago everything had been fine, i was at my house with my friends then they had snatched me. Now i was on my way to God knows where.

The vehicle ground to a halt and the door were thrown open. I was blinded by the flashlight shining in my eyes. They yelled a command and when i didn’t respond, they clubbed me in the face with a rifle. I was dragged out of the truck with blood trickling from a wound on my head. They yelled at me some more, but i didn’t respond. I had given up, i knew that i had to hope. They groaned and dragged me across the dusty floor towards a large machine. A large sliver blob formed in the machine. It began to grow and pulsate. As it grew i noticed very strong suction pulling me towards it. Suddenly i snapped out of my apathetic state. I realized what was happening, i realized what terrible thing they were going to do to me.

I screamed and dug my fingers into the dirt, but the suction was too powerful and i was dragged along. I knew it was hopless to struggle but i had to! Finally i let go and was sucked into the portal. I awoke to find myself in a dark metalic room. I heard low growls and a pair of eyes opened slowly. A bloodstained hand clutched for me but i avoided it. But i could only aviod it for so long before i was claimed. For i had been banished to the planet of the undead.

Write Time = 10 Min

i will judge them once there is 3 more entries…PM me when there is TQ

You all have 4 days. Get writing!

Poem: Good, not totally brillant, but still good and fair. I’d like to know the meaning of the poem though, is it about someone suffering guilt or an obstacle in life? I not sure, but I would like to know.

The poem has it’s ryhmes here and there, it’s just that the verses were to lengthy to notice them however.

Good (As I’ve said above…twice, in fact), Mysterious, Deep Theme, Orignal, and On Topic, 8.3

Great…now we have two people tied on the poems…

When do I get my cash prize from the last quick write?

edit: Oh, I read the wrong. Yay, i’m still winning poems by .2 points lol

Paragraph: I have a feeling that these all happened at night (I was blinded by the flashlight shining in my eyes.) You didn’t say for sure, I’m just guessing though.

I liked it though, fanasty adventure fiction is my favorite type of stories. You could though have given more details in certain parts, and CAPS all your “I’s” (CAPS is a pet peeve of mine you could say, I find it annoying when someone CAPS every single letter more than anything).

Great, Tense, and Exciting, 8.3

It would basically mean, I’m someone too. Dont ignore me. It was actually a nice poem topic to write about :slight_smile:

This week at school is just overloading for me. Starting today monday till friday I have either a quiz, test, presentation, or major assignment due. So ya don’t mind if I post on the last day which is november 18th do you?