Runescape Epilogues, part 2.

I was writing this story about Runescape’s deitities and Demigods. I need a rating, and maybe some comments to seee if i should keep on publishing it or not, it goes like this:

"Saradonim crumbled in tears when he saw his dream teared into pieces.
Why brother why? - he screamed ar Zamorak, holding in his hands the spawns of chaos, as he saw the bloodshed happening down in our land.

Zamorak laughed at his face, screaming "There is no good that will prevail under my rule, the triumph of chaos, the victory of evil, there is no life in the void, only death, death death…

Saradonim swallowed his tears, rising his sword against his own kind, and with a mighty slash he split the dark heavens apart, severing all evil as well as all goodness from men’s hearts… crying he realiced nothing will remain.

Out of this land of whispers, were no emotions were felt, a hearbeat came to life… a bloom of life he awakes, realizing this is not his lands anymore…

Guthix walked this lifeless plains, as he stared the shattered souls; not able to suffer nor mourne this great lost of his own, as peace one prevailed here. He had lost this territory, there was a curruption to the neutrality he had created so long ago.

Intruders! - he shouted as he saw this two imponent presences stand out in the landscape.
-U have no place in this land! - Guthix screamed raising his staff-interrupted by the sudden clash of energy, as the two creatures stared motionless at him.

-"…this is not your land anymore" the twins whispered, as they exiled
Guthix of his own home, forcing him to abandon this state of mind, as he was not the only gor of Runescape anymore… "

This story is copyrighted, i dont want anyone copying or stealing anything from it and putting it’s own name on it. thx!

Btw, plz rate 1/10, it might motivate me to publish the next chapters (wich are already wroten :o )

EDIT: Chapter 1 continues on post down, page 1

denitenty a 9

Who on earth is “Gunthix”…?

~ ewok

i think he means Guthix lol

der typo i bet u cuddnt do betta

Guys, i apologize deeply for any grammar mistake, i do the best i can, but english is not my native language, but anyways thx for ur comments, and yes, it was guthix, that “n” was just a sliped finger :o

I would rate it an 8/10. You can see from the story that zamorak is evil, and that guthix is the god of nature, but Guthix is also the god of balance, which is hard to understand from that story if you have never played RS. If you want I can fix any grammatical errors in there and PM it to you…

Well, acording to the story of runescape, guthix was the first one of them all, he had a perfect balance over the world, and then he went to sleep. When he woke up, saradonim and zamorak well already there. I tried to state the parts of the neutrality being corrupted by the 2 incoming “intruders” (zammy and sara). This story is way more easy to understand once we get the origin of the runescape world settled up.

Saradonim and zamorak were in a war, and this conflict between brothers awaked the god guthix. Well, i better not continue this so the next chapters will have a lil thrill :o

You know I was thinking about writing a story before runescape a few days ago. This story seems to be turning out great! I would rate this a 9. If you would need any help with creating it or just to have an editor I would be glad to help out.

I give 9.63583645364/10. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Thx man! this is sorta just an introduction, u’ll see what i have prepared next, so, shall i publicate first chapter already?
Anyways, plz keep the rates coming!

Chapter 1: The Wanderer of Dreams

He felt peace as he abandoned the crouded markets of Ardougue, carrying only what he needed to survive the perrils out there. He had his sheeted old sword, wich he had inherited from his father, a rusty chain wich came to his hands staking in the far south, and his trustable wooden shield, wich he crafted himself.

Along the road his feet took him, into a two day trip to the village of Catherby, his last stop before crossing the mighty White Wolf Mountain into the Asgarnian peninsula. His first trip this was not, thus he had wandered this lands for so long his fragile mind, full of memories, was not able to count the time back.

“So many years, and many more to come” - he said to himself, as he extinguished the remains of last night’s fireplace. Having as meal only a couple of tunas and half a loaf of bread, he took his way again, because many miles still awaited him down the road.

Many toughts crossed his mind, becausehe had no reason to be. As a mighty warrior many knew him, as a wanderer many called him, but only few knew his real name, oh yes, the mighty name his father gave him; Iöser Azeka, wanderer of dreams…

The lone traveler hooded his forehead with a sturdy leather cloak, as the miday sun blinded his sight. With a good grip on the walking staff he continued his way. Iöser arrived at nightfall to Catherby, he could feel the salty air play around his messy hair, and the smell of summer breeze as it crushed against the shore.

With a swift move, the backpack was let loose over the grass, followed by it’s owner, who smiled as he saw the sky’s many sparkles play with each other. Iöser made a small fireplace, and ate the last of his food. This night he needed no bed, he needed nothing more than this state of mind, he put his head to rest on the soft grass, as he closes his eyes; and so it begins again…

CONTINUES IN FIRST POST OF 2ND PAGE

Work on your grammar a punctuation, afterwhich, use more original words ^.^ like instead of “he crumbled as his dream was teared to pieces” say

“He lay in a stupor as he watched the mindless slaughter take place on his prized creation”

I am just being overly critical because it is good and i want to help you make it perfect, be more descriptive too, other than that its really pretty good

I understand that grammar may not be your strong suit. That’s O.K. Other than that, your story is wonderful; I wish you the best of sucess with it. I would definitely rate it 9/10. GREAT Work!!! Keep it up!

Yours truly,
-=\ J.T. /=-

Thx alot guys, this is exactly what i was searching by posting my story here, cronstructive critics. This first chapter i think that sets the story ready to go in a preatty nice way. Again i apologize for grammar, punctuation, or lack of vocabulary, since english isnt my born language. I could publish this epic story in spanish, but i doubt any of u will really understand, since my spanish is verry “eloquent” (i think i spelled it right).

Thx alot for the critics and the precious ratings, i’ll do my best to gain a 10 with my next chapters!!! :o

Sincerely yours;
Redgar

WOW! 8O 8O 8O You did an excellent job. 9.5/10. I’m echoeing everyone else, but I understand your situation. English isn’t my native language either, but I was lucky to go to an English school after my family moved to Denver, Colorado. My parents, however have the same problem as you because they graduated from school in Russia.

Well, thanks alot to all, i am verry glad about ur responce to my topis :o
For all of u who are reading the story, and like the way this is turning on, i’ll post next chapter for tomorrow, just a quik preview for all of u, next chapter is called

“Chapter 2: At Nights he Came”

Thanks for all the support!
Sincerely yours, Redgar

“Ardougue into a two day trip to the village of Catherby, his last stop before crossing the mighty White Wolf Mountain”

i give ur story a 10/10 but ardugue is on the same side as catherby u wont have to go over white wolf moutain to get there in sted of ardugue say faldor

Wow. It’s good but could be slightly improved. I’d love to hear more from you. 9/10.

Thats what i meant, this is a bad interpretation. He is making the last stop in the village of Catherby, before crossing white wolf. Catherby is the last town on that side of white wolf, so i kinda want it to be like a place where travelers supply and get ready before crossing the White Wolf Mountain. He is heading to a village beyond the mountain (i wont say were to avoid pooping the story :slight_smile: ). I hope this post made the things right, and btw man, thx huge for the rating, ur my first 10/10 :o

I will publish next chapter shortly, i’m just waiting for the revised version :wink: