made em myself : hope u enjoy!
As much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition
She’s angrier than a Bear with a sore head
She’s dressed up like a Dogs dinner
About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican.
He’s that useless he couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery
She’s been up and down more times than a whore’s drawers
She’s been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard!
He’s tighter than a photo finish.
He’s sweating more than a Dog in a restaraunt
He’s got a head balder than a baby’s arse.
He’s got the dress sense of an Oxfam model.
He’s got a nose like a blind carpenter’s thumb.
Last time I saw a face like that it was hanging at the Hunter’s Lodge.
As much use as a trap door on a lifeboat
It’s colder than a penguin’s bollocks
She’s got a face like a picture - it needs hanging
You’ve got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier
She’s had more pricks than a second hand dartboard
As rare as a Blonde virgin
I’ve seen more hair on a billiard ball
He’s as camp as a row of tents
I’ve seen better teeth on a worn out gear box
They call her ‘The radio station’ cuz she’s so easy to pick up
As useful as a grave robber in a crematorium
You could park a bike on that bum
He’s as red as an overdrawn account at the local blood bank
He’s got a face as long as an undertakers tapemeasure
Whiter than a pair of Snow White’s knickers
sorry about hte swearing if i care
About as innocent as a Nun doing pressups in a Cucumber field.
They’ve got a picture of her at the hospital - it saves using the stomach pump