~ The Grand Joke Contest!~

I will be holding a grand Joke Contest!!

Rules
1)Enter as many as you like and I will put you as a person on the poll for people to vote overall
2)NO nasty, inaprpriate(sp?), racist ect
3)Dont flame

What going to happen?
Well, you enter the joke(s) you want (see above-recent is the enteree) and when I close the thread for suggestions I will make one where you can vote on whose was funniest.

~The Reward~
Well if any GFX artists are willing to make a barsig as a reward I will be really happy.
Also donations for rewards will also be good but we might just stick with the barsig.

Also:
Please DONT SPAM WITH STUPID JOKES! Actually submit a good one
Support the contest!!

Put this bar sig :

into your sig to support this.
Code:

[[IMG]http://img470.imageshack.us/img470/3492/comedybarsig5il.jpg[/IMG]](http://www.runescaperealm.com/forums/showthread.php?t=64697&page=2) 

Entrees so far!:
Stingray2020
A family is getting ready to host thanksgiving

Dad walks in door and drops hat: Dnm it!
Girl: What does that mean daddy?
Dad: Its uhh another word for hat.
Mom walks through door and drops coat: Crap!
Girl: What does that mean mommy?
Mom: Its uhh another word for coat
Dad cuts himself shaving: SH
T
Girl: What does that mean daddy?
Dad: Its uhh another word for shaving
Mom is carving the turkey in the kitchen, cuts herself with knife: Aww F**k
Girl: What does that mean mommy?
Mom: Its uhh another word for carving

Grandparents Arrive, girl answers door: Hi guys can I take your craps, and d@mn its? Dads upstairs Shiing and Mom’s F*ing the turkey in the kitchen!

the3deathdealer
A man walks into a bar and gets hurt…

kingofallpie
There were 2 guys sitting in a bar, and boy were they both drunk. They walked outside without their coats, and one looked up at a skyscraper, pointed at it, and said ‘You know, I bet I could jump off the top of that skyscraper, and control my descent so much I could go in a fifth floor window unhurt.’ The other guy said ‘YOURE ON!’ so they both went to the top of the building and the first guy jumped off. 20… 10… 9,8,7,6,5! He comes in the window for a perfect landing. The second guy saw this and was like COOL! he jumped off too. 20…10…9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 SPLAT!!! He hits the ground and died instantly.
The first guy went back into the bar to get his coat. The waitress at that bar walks up to him and says…
Dang, Superman, you’re a mean drunk.

A very well dressed man walks into a bar and orders 10-year old Scotch. The bartender looks at his drink list and realizes he doesn't have 10 year old Scotch. He only have 8-year old Scotch. He gives the man a shot glass of 8-year old Scotch. The man spits it out and exclaims 'That's only 8-year old Scotch! How dare you insult a man of my stature with inferior Scotch! The waiter apologises, telling the man that he doesnt have 10-year old Scotch. The man then orders 15-year old bourbon. The bar doesn't have 15 year old bourbon, it only has 12-year old bourbon. The well-dressed man again spits it out, telling the bartender the exact age again, and how much in insulted him. This was played out again with 25-year old Port Wine.
A grungy old guy at the end of the counter then pulls a glass of something that looks like good Scotch out of his rags and gave it to the bartender, saying 'Give this to the well dressed man, and tell him it's on me'. The well-dressed man took a sip, winced, spit it out, and cried out 'My god, this tastes like urine!!!' The grungy guy then responded-'It is.... Now tell me how old I am.

What is the difference between the place u get drunk and an elephant’s fart?
one is a barroom, and the other is BAROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!

Once there was a 727 coming in to land. A guy walked up to the flight attendant and asked her, 'Where should I put this glass bottle?' (This was in the old days.) She was bored after a long flight at replied, "I don't really care, just throw it out the window!" He did. Another guy walked up to the flight attendant with another glass bottle, asked where it should go, got the reply "Oh, just throw it out the window" and he did. Then a guy in a ski mask came up holding a bomb. He showed it to the flight attendant and said those fateful words... "Where should I put this bomb?" She looked at it, scared as hell. "Oh, I don't care, just throw it out the window!" The guy with the bomb was like, "Thanks, you're a real helper!" He threw it out the window.
Part 2
A few guys were walking down the street about 10 minutes later. They came upon a girl crying on the street over the dead body of a dog. They asked her what was wrong, and got the reply "I was walking Fluffy here, a glass bottle fell from the sky hit her on the head and killed her!" They all said "sorry" and other word of consolation and continued walking. They came upon another little girl crying over the body of a cat. They asked what happened and the girl said "I was walking my kitty, a glass bottle fell from the sky hit her on the head and killed her!!!!" They all, again, said "sorry" and kept walking. They then came upon a young boy choking with laughter on the sidewalk. They asked him what was so funny adn he replied "Well I was walking with my grandpa down the street, he farted, and a building blew up!!!!!!!!!"


[b]casekilleronrs[/b]
Q: Why dont they gamble in Africa?

A: Because theres to many cheetahs

One night, a man walked into a bar and ordered 3 large drinks. The bartender asked him, “What’s wrong with you? You look so sad!”

The man said, “I just found out my eldest son is gay.”

The bartender, understandingly, gave him the 3 drinks.

The next night, the same man walked into the same bar and ordered 5 drinks. The bartender again asked him, “What’s wrong with you again? You look so sad.”

The man said, “I just found out my second son is gay!”

The bartender, sympathically, brought him the 5 drinks he ordered.

The third night, the walked again into the same bar and ordered 10 drinks. The bartender asked him, “Now tell me old man what’s wrong with you today? You look so sad again.”

The man said, “My youngest son just confessed he is gay!”

The bartender cried out, “Oh my lord! Doesn’t anyone in your family like women???”

The man replied, “Yes, there is one. That’s my wife!”

alkenine911
couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were
excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble
and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their
town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys’ mother heard that a clergyman in town had been
successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would
speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them
individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the
morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the
afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger
boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?”.

They boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting
there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman
repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God!!?”
Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised
his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and
bellowed, “WHERE IS GOD!?”

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and
dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his
older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in BIG
trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did
it!”

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a
blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she
move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The
blonde replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York
and I'm not moving."

Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked
the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman
asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again,
the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New
York and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit
and asked the captain what to do about her.

The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to
handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered
in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the
economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say
so?" 

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he
said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He
said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New
York.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are some kids taking a medical class at a university. The kids are training to be doctors. There is human bodies on the tables. The professor starts out with a lecture. "To be a medical doctor you must. first be fearless."
The Doctor sticks his finger in the bodies anus. And licks it.
"Now you all do the same." The students are hesitant but they all eventually do it."
"Now the second tip to become a medical doctor is you must be observant. If you watched closely i stuck my index finger in the body`s anus. But i licked my ring finger." The professor just smiles at their faces

[b]dude8[/b]
One day god went to earth and walked down the street and saw someone crying. he asked "why are you sad?"
the man says "im blind!" so god heeled him so he could see.
he walked farther down the street and saw a man crying.
He asked why he was sad.
he answered "my legs are broken!"
so god heeled him.
He walked farther down the street and found another man in food of tears.
He asked "why are you sad?
He answered "because im a city elementry school teacher!"


[b]mcclarenf3[/b]
3 men worked on a building and brought their lunches everyday. Number 1 had black hair, Number 2 had brown hair and number 3 had blond hair.The lunches were always the same. Number 1 said "If i bring the same lunch tomorrow I'm jumping off this building." Number 2 and 3 agreed. the next day they jumped off the building. At the funeral Numbers 1s wife said "I should have known." Number 2s wife said "I should have known." Number 3s wife said "Don't look at me. He made his own lunch!"

[b]sickmate[/b]
A doctor at a college campus is giving free physicalls for one week only. Early in the week a girl comes into his office, and the doctor asks her to remove her shirt. The girl proceeds and the doctor immiedietly notices the girl has a large A in the middle of her chest. The doctor asks how did you get that A on your chest. The girl responds by saying that her boyfriend goes to the univeristy of Alabama and when we make love he likes to keep his lettermans jacket on. The doctor finds this rather strange, but just shrugs it off. A little later that week he sees another girl and when she removed her shirt the doctor noticed a large I in her chest. The doctor asks how did you get that I in your chest. The girl tells the doctor that her boyfriend goes to the university of Iowa and when we have sex he likes to keep his lettermans jacket on. The doctor than begins to wonder if all college students keep their lettermans jacket on during intercourse. Even later that week another young women comes in and removes her shirt. Sure enought there is a large W carved into the womens chest. The doctor quickly asks, let me guess your boy friend goes to Wisconsin, the girl replies no, my girlfriend goes to Minnesota.

[b]dariusxerxes[/b]
Once upon a time there was a very mischievous 10 year old boy. He never did his schoolwork, he always played hooky, and he was extremely rude to everyone(including his mom and dad) but his older friends, who were smalltime gangsters who had just been released from Juvenile detention. 

Well, his father finally had enough, and sent the boy to a catholic boarding school operated by nuns. After a month, the couple were sent the boys report card, which contained all A's in his classes and G's for Citizenship. Because of the boys good behavior, they were allowed to visit him.

When they went to visit the boy, he greeted his mother with a hug and his father with a handshake. He pulled out the chair for his mother to sit down and began talking to them.

Mother: Ive noticed your grades have improved tremendously. Is it because the coursework is easier?
Son: No, mother.
Father: Well, you have all G's in citizenship. Are your friends very upright at this school?
Son: No father.
Mother and Father: Then why have you changed so much?
Son: Because the first day i came here, i opened the books and saw a naked man nailed to a cross and figured they meant business!

ill add the rest later

Good Luck and I hope this does well!

~MageKill

PS: i will answer any questions
PSS: Lol im liking kingofallpies in my opinion. hes got a good chance. but we'l see what everyone else says!

Okay funniest Joke ever right here:

A family is getting ready to host thanksgiving

Dad walks in door and drops hat: Dnm it!
Girl: What does that mean daddy?
Dad: Its uhh another word for hat.
Mom walks through door and drops coat: Crap!
Girl: What does that mean mommy?
Mom: Its uhh another word for coat
Dad cuts himself shaving: SH
T
Girl: What does that mean daddy?
Dad: Its uhh another word for shaving
Mom is carving the turkey in the kitchen, cuts herself with knife: Aww F**k
Girl: What does that mean mommy?
Mom: Its uhh another word for carving

Grandparents Arrive, girl answers door: Hi guys can I take your craps, and d@mn its? Dads upstairs Shiing and Mom’s F*ing the turkey in the kitchen! :sour: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

[COLOR=DarkRed]~The Reward~
Well if any GFX artists are willing to make a barsig as a reward I will be really happy.

PS: i will answer any questions

ya ill make 1 for the winner, just cause this sounds kool

Lol thats funny. Theres tons of different ones similar to that but that is my favorite lol. [presenter voice] good job as our first entreent[/voice]

:D:D

EDIT: cool thanks k0shi :D. Yay a compliment on my idea :fluffy:

Why did the Chicken cross the Road?

A) To get to the other side!!!

Ahh…a classic lol. Seriously though guys dont spam with stupid ones :tongue:

A man walks into a bar and gets hurt…
:hyper:

i meant the hole idea of a joke contest but lol watever makes u happy :smiley:

:confused:

EDIT: i know what you meant k0shi…but it was my idea. so you complimented it :wink:

I’ll make a bar sig, what size?

Regualr size probaly froto…(like in my sig) Two people are making now but Ill figure it out.

reg size for a barsig is 300x150 or 100 i think

lol its an old and stupid joke just think about it for a minute.

I wanna say its 300x150 like you said…100 is to small. I THINK

EDIT: OHHH i get the bar one now :wink: Lol k sorry for sayin it stupid :fluffy:

how bought this, we got 2 ppl making, theres all we need, to the winner we both make 1, and he picks which 1 he likes

ya stings right, its 300x20…srry, i sear seeing it somewere were its 300x100

300x20 is a regular bar sig.

Perfecto :wink: :smiley: or 2nd and 3rd place winners? Dunno but i like your idea

…BUT all these barsigs arn’t gonna matter if we don’t get some more people to enter the contest! Enter people enter!

ENTER!!! shacks fist angerly!!!

…lol this is sooo spam

Yes it was spam k0shi :tongue:. Anyone wanna make a barsiggy with a link to here? Maybe as we post more people will see and wanna enter.

EDIT: Thisll be my last post of the night. Good night everyone :wink: